Been too emotionally drained..
my body is screaming for sleep..
but my Yayi is fighting for his life.
Right after we were done for the kenduri arwah,my yayi got admitted to the hospital..
it is really saddening when at times, he doesn't recognize you anymore.. he'll get fits..and start talking jibberish..and its even harder for him cuz he know what he wants but its just that the message that is being sent out from his brain through his verbal nerves have gone haywire. He would pick one word from a conversation and use it through out the whole day. And we have to decode what he's trying to say everytime.
For example, the other time, we kept saying hospital and that word was registered in his brain. Thus, hospital has many meanings to him. A watch can mean hospital, the fan,his spectacles,the mattress,the pillow,anything is "hospital".
It cuts me real deep seeing him this way.
I miss him calling out my name everytime I go over his place.
And there will always be one question that he will keep asking everytime I visit them.
"Gegerl bila nak kahwin?!"
"Tak bagus tau kahwin lambat-lambat. "
and my answer will always be the same.
"Chill lah.. belum habes skolah..27 boleh kahwin."
And I'll get scolded after that.:)
Everytime he sees me,he'll ask that question.
And now.. I miss hearing all those words coming out from him.. :(
He had just totally lost any sense in whatever he is doing.
And the other time, when the nurses tried to put in the tube in his nose, and in his wrist. He plucked out all the tubes and blood splattered everywhere.
Now,he's strapped on the bed like some kind of animal.
Ya allah.. tell me. Which kind of human being can stand looking at his grandfather on the bed, strapped on both hands, not being able to even get up cuz he is just soo soo weak and all he kept saying for the past few days were, "go home. go home. i want to go home.."
I've been trying my best to keep myself strong..but sometimes..my heart just feel soo soo heavy. and all i need is to stop choking on my tears and let everything out..
I miss Yayi alot...
Yayi.. cepat sembuh..gegerl nak tgk yayi pakai songkok putih yang yayi selalu pakai. Gegerl nak dengar yayi tanya gegerl macam mana nak check miss call kat hp..Gegerl nak yayi balik.. please...
gerl nak yayi......