A call in the wee hours woke everyone up. I remembered checking the caller id. i dont usually do that.not at 5.19am. But i knew something was amiss. Seconds later,i heard mom giving out calls in an urgent voice. Her room was litted. I woke up,half dazed and shouted across the room. "Ibu asal?" "Ibu kenapa!?" Irritated,i went to her room and asked what's wrong. My brother was already up and in the toilet.

What i was about to hear the next few seconds made me glued to the ground. "Yayi kene heart attack. Dia masuk hospital."

For that split moment,vague images of my grandad came whizzing in my tired mind. Later,the house turned into a frenzy of some more important calls and people getting ready to go out. i sat at the edge of my bed. still in shock. I wanted to go. But knowing that i have class at 9,mom asked me to stay and told me that she would call if anything happens. That didnt help ease any bit of my anxiety.

After they left,i started crying.I was so scared that i would lose my grandad without having given a chance to see his face and say goodbye.I texted Arman and he called me and comforted me. But i was too sad to even talk.I was crying like a little child on the other line.He kept me awake till about 6 plus before our heads started getting heavy.Even 17 hours later,my heart is still wrenching.And my tears are choked in my throat.I board the bus home from school,and a comforting message from Didi made me tear silently..

Yayi is in ICU now and being in a "dirty" state made me feel so helpless.if only my period isnt taking place right now,i would have devote my entire day and night praying for him. I would have sembahyang hajat to make sure he's alright.. to make sure he'll still be around for the last time with me if Allah were to take him away..

I hate this feeling.This worrying feeling that constantly bothers me.I hadnt get the chance to meet him today.But i will, tmr,the first thing in the morning..:'(