i dont even know if i will be able to live another day in pure happiness..

remember those cute memories .the baby photos of me with ibu and abah holding me close to them.

those family pictures tat we took in every house tat we visit during hari raya?

the diffused smiles.
the end of everything beautiful.

the years ive lived through life's bitchiest moments.

the unbearable phsyical abuse .the parent assaults and buckets of curses.

i had lived life seeing my mother being strangled by my dad.

i had lived life seeing my father from behind grilled windows.




and after 20 years,things are still the same.better but coming to an end .

i envy most of the time whenever i see families so happy.great parents.responsible father.

i can feel my mother's sufferings.i realised as i get older each year.
i can understand my father's struggle to keep out from his mistakes.

but whats the point.when shits keep happening.and tis is just the last straw.

fucked up.
so fucked up.


there's a sleeping rebel in me.waking up to life's misery.

i cant do this anymore
i feel so fucked up cuz there's nothing i can do to make situations any better.
i hate feeling helpless.
i hate feeling not strong enuff to face this.

i only pretend im tough
but family problems eats every corner of my inside leaving me feeling empty and purely destroyed.

as much as i didnt want to bother my friends with what im facing,i have no other choice den to talk it out.but wat good does it make.if i still as fucked as ever.