i am not going to be ok for the next few days
the problems that im facing back home are escalating at very very fast rate
im in desperation for oxygen. space . love . peace .

ive grown up hearing all those nasty arguments between themselves.

20 years passed and yet things are still the same

why the hatred ? why the selfishness ?


for once ive tried to be strong to face all these
ive only talked to zul.
and he told me to go to sleep
i cant sleep
how can i sleep
i need someone to talk to me
i need someone to comfort me
i need someone to assure me that everythings ok
i need someone to tell me not to be suicidal
i need someone to be there for me eventhough he/she is tired
but
i dont want to be selfish
i cannot force people to take sympathy on me
im not someone's greatest loss

i need a hand to hold on to, to pick me up from falling down into deeper negativities
i need a hug to assure me that everythings okay
i need conversations to make me feel that this is not the end of the road





i finally believed that this phrase is true:
"who'll be there when i need someone.count on nobody and no one will let you down"


you cannot expect the kindness after delivering all you have for someone.



im okay.no one's there.im always alone.and ive been always living my life as an individual.i dont expect much from anybody and that's just the way how things revolve in my life.no complaints.
so for those who pretends that they cares.quit it.no one cares as much as themselves.thats the cruel fact of life.
if im lying beside the death bed of my father.hell for the world that anyone will care.because no one wants to live or be pulled down with other's misforunes or misery.

i need a stronghold to keep me sane.
i need Allah.i need Zul and Didi the most.
i need to keep myself together..

i just pray that everything wil be alright.please.and my father will be not a victim of that illness.i hope Allah will ward off any evil spirits that are trying to part our family .i hope my parents will not split today.please.



Love yourself
Love whom you love most without regret because you will never know when's the last time you will ever get to meet them...